Christmas Eve

It’s the day before Christmas. We are hosting tomorrow’s festivities – it’s the first year we are celebrating with both of our families combined. I am making lasagna for dinner, a Christmas tradition from my childhood. The holidays have been hard for me for a while now. It used to be my favorite holiday. Occasionally I catch a glimpse of the spirit, but most of the time my heart is heavy around this time of year. Perhaps it’s because I experienced more than a couple lonely Christmases after high school. Maybe I am subconsciously recalling fond childhood Christmases, which is reminding me of the ache of being disconnected from the family who raised me. Whatever the reason, I tend to feel blue at Christmas and this year is no different.

A few weeks ago, I was very excited for this day to come. I envisioned a magical Christmas for my children, filled with laughter, family and love. Now, I am sitting on the sofa in front of the TV forcing myself to write this in hopes of igniting my motivation. I need to pull myself together. My son is awake and will only be able to entertain himself for a few minutes. I need to shower and start making the sauce. There is laundry to be done, dishes to be washed and last-minute presents to be wrapped. All I want to do is crawl back into bed…

And so, I bring my burden to the Lord.

                God, please lighten my heart. Help me feel the magic of Christmas today. May Your loving hand guide me in our holiday preparations. Above all, please help me remember the reason for the season. Thank you for sending us Your son. Amen.


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